| i am truly the happiest girl in the world...
things are going pretty good in my life and feel that for once. i can just live. and relax. and learn to love.
its the best feeling ever.!.
lovesydney. |
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| sha la la la .... breaks are my new favorite thing!
i am in an oh so happy mood... going from that last post....BLAH
def ready for a new year.
i .LOVE. you.
sydney. |
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| so...we are back in the xanga business... lol
i was thinking today...about a lot of things but mostly school and cheerleading... i dontl really like iwu... i think its very fake and forced... a christian atmosphere thats teaching the majority of its students how to lie and cover there so called "wrong doings" ... things like drinking and smoking and sex ... it all goes on here... its no different then a state school in many ways.. its just all underwraps.. and hidden. but it goes on and you can find it oh so very easily...
yet my parents say that a christian education is important... why?! i went to a public school K-12 grade..? that makes no sense.. i guess i dont understand why i should live in a fake bubble for 4 years listening to the same phrases such as thats not iwu appropriate... well then what is iwu appropriate.. lets see... they tell us the following: what movies we can and cannot watch, what time we must be in our dorms [for freshman and some upper classmen], when we go to chapel, how we interact with members of the opposite sex, when those members are allowed in our dorms, what words are "appropriate", how and where we are allowed to dance, what clothes are a little too risky, what we do or do not drink, what parties we attend wether or not your doing anything wrong,... the list goes on for days...
we are in college yet were treated like mere 13 year olds who can't handle themselves...
now on another note... theres cheerleading. lets not get too far into this or i will explode with anger... but. i feel that even though the freshman are in a lot more this year than ever before that i sitll have not been given the chance to prove myself here.... the program is great dont get me wrong and i love the ppl on the team yes but the team it self functions very differently then any team i have ever been a part of... i can honestly say that this is a huge let down for me. i expected so much more out of collegiate cheerleading... in a lot of ways its not as fun anymore but in someways its a little more fun... a big part of me wants to transfer... bringing me to my next point...
i looked and a bunch of schools today ... all based on cheerleading... that is seriously my passion the one thing i love to do more than ANYTHING else... is just to cheer. and kick ass. ... . so i want to go to a school where i can really just shine basically. and i dont care if its a private school or a state school but thats just what i want to do more than anything is cheer..so as i was looking with kaela today we came across UofI and i never really thought much of state schools bc i knew my dad wouldnt fund that .. so whatever and i got to thinking ... this is a big 10 school..i could easily make the team .. its in illinois... indiana is awful... and i would be closer to isu and closer to home.. and my friends ... so my brain is now in a huge ball of dreaming... cheering at a D1 school thats big 10 none the less and such... just amazing... but then i think...willi be able to get in to a big school . will i be able to keep up academically? and i dont know... what if i hate the big school like Natile.. i could not bring myself to come back here... that would be embarassing... but in the same respect.. me and nat are a lot different... so who knows? would i even like UofI i dont know? ... it would just be awesome... i dont want to go super far bc i already miss my friends A LOT and im 3 hours away in indiana... so i dont know... but then again...next point.
jim and rhoda will not pay for a state school or so they say....? so i might just have to stick it out here... i dont know... i guess iwu is just NOT what i thought it would be.. and i dont want to live in a fake bubble of jesus land for 4 years and then re-enter the "real world"... its just stupid..i know that i could easily go to a place like Uof I .. even with all the bars and quote "party sene" and be just fine... i do not need alcohol to have fun! i didnt in high school and i dont know.. so that really wouldnt be an issue... i mean okay i might go out and have a drink... but not every weekend ... i wouldnt be goin out to get drunk... thats not me . thats not what i believe in ... so why would i change now.. i think im pretty dang good at staying true to me and what i believe... and i think that being in an environment that will test me is going to be the only way i will ever find out just how strong i am on my own... living in the iwu bubble is just like a crutch you could say... its handing me "worship" 3 days a week and its easy to just live at "camp" for 4 years but at a state school i gotta find a place to go to church. i gotta do my devos for myself ... and not just fall back on chapel.. it will be me showing myself , parents, and god that yeah ... i can do this and still be me...
but who knows.... ramblings i tell ya...
love you
p.s. i hope somebody reads this...
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| im bring xangas back... or at least im gonna just do it all by myself.
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so college... cant wait.
friends = samf. [only some... but others are cool]
ah theres just too much goin on right now. /// i want to leave and be gone. but one more day.
hopefully people mature this year... wow i cant wait.
peace&love. |
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im still smiling....
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